Accepted

I received my acceptance letter from Carthage College the other day. If I can get these classes done then I would feel so much better about everything. Right now I don't feel so good about things.

I am excited about my friend Blu coming up here to go to Carthage and spend the night there and attend a class, so we can both get a better glimpse of life there. I hope she gets accepted too and she likes it there. She also applied to another college closer to where she is at, so I hope she gets in there too.

Other than being excited about that I am just anxious and worried. I feel another panic attack coming on. Time is ticking and I am doing nothing. I already know that I am going to have to have help with my math work. When I was doing it I got my first lesson done and sent the assignment in. 100%. No problem. I start on the second lesson and I have no idea what they are talking about. The people that kinda helped me with the first one don't understand it either. I'm just gonna have to ask for help. With the other classes I just have to read and understand which I can do. I am just not doing it.

I wish I can do that. I wish I can do this. I wish I were that. I wish this was so. I'm a failure. I fail. I am failing. I suck. Blah Blah Blah. That's what goes through my mind. None of it helps. It's all true, but doesn't help. Honestly I just have to act. I have plenty of things to motivate me and plenty of reasons to do it (I was recently told they were different, so I have both), but apparently I lack the ability to act.

I know I will get it done. I always get it done. I just don't know why I make it so hard on myself. I just know that if I sit there and get it all done then I would feel so much lighter and be able to actually look forward to going to Carthage. I want to feel that way.