Life of a Procrastinator

"I don't wanna run anymore."

2011-12-12T07:56:00.001-08:00

My friend and I are friends with a professor and his family. We volunteer with them and have watched their son on occasion. Great family and the nicest people I've probably ever met. That being said the professor always says hi and tries to get a handle on how we are doing. I just saw him. He asked me how I was doing. I lied and said okay. I asked him how he was doing... he said okay though I knew he was kind of lying too. Funny how that goes.

Then he told me: At his son's basketball game there was this kid who just started slowing down and got really pale. He just didn't look good. He stopped and said that he didn't want to run anymore. He laid down and later went into a coma. He died over the weekend. As soon as he said "there was this kid," I knew how the story was going to end. I don't know why, but I did. I was hoping I was just being ridiculous. It must have been in his voice.

I said that was terrible. I didn't know what else to say. I was thrown for a loop. I asked about his son. He said that he naturally had questions. I said of course. We both had to go to class. I said I had to go take a test now. He said sorry. I said don't worry about it.

"I don't wanna run anymore." What am I supposed to do with this?

what you do for friends

2011-10-15T16:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not religious at all. I don't mind learning about it which is good because I go to a liberal arts college that requires you take two religion classes. Think it's a little bit of a waste of time, but in the end it's all good. I don't believe in any certain deity or religion in particular. I'm very open in the way that life was created and works. It just is to me. I'm not a person that needs it explained to me. I just live it. I would just rather not have someone preaching to me about how I am supposed to live my life is all.

Having said that my friend was raised in a religious manner I guess you could say. She had to go to church every week and eventually this caught up with her and she questions everything about it. I believe she still is religious, but needs to find her own way back to it and not have someone dragging her along to a church she doesn't share the views of. She is a psychology major though she tends to lean more towards sociology these days. For her second religion class she chose to take Sociology of Religion. She seems to enjoy it mostly and one of her assignments is to attend two different church services, have people fill out some sort of survey, and then interview the pastor.

Now comes the part where sometimes you do things you would not do normally and honestly things you would rather not do. I am going to church in the morning. Yep. I am. We are both good friends with a professor from the college and his wife. They are like a second family to us, so my friend felt comfortable enough to ask them she could go with them this Sunday. And of course I get included in this as I am part of our little group and I know me being there will defintely make her more comfortable.

I really don't mind in the end, because I know my friend will be more at ease. I just keep thinking about the three tests on Monday and how I will get more out of studying for that than I will attending church in the morning.

I just chalk it up to a cultural experience a.k.a. people-watching. But seriously.... wth do i wear?

I R Serious

2011-10-09T10:47:00.000-07:00

Hardy har har.

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Can you tell I was still sick?

2011-10-02T16:50:00.000-07:00

I'm in the act of procrastination posting this...

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So, um.... like, you know?

2011-09-29T20:52:00.000-07:00

Decided I'm so horrible at keeping up the written blog posts that I would try to verbally do one.

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Swedish sickness

2011-09-21T13:26:00.000-07:00

There is something that I find weird. This is my third semester at this college of mine and I'm on my third roommate. So I am 3 for 3. Actually that's not what I find weird although I do find it bothersome. What I find weird is that during my first semester here I was sick quite a bit, but since I was courteous and cautious and my roommate never got sick. Last semester my roommate was the one who was always sick, but I never was as she was courteous and as always I was cautious. However, this semester we haven't even been in school for three weeks and I already have a cold right after she starts having one? Well I hope it is a cold anyways.

While we are on the topic of my roommate can I just say, "AHHHHHHHHHHMEH! UGHDABLAAHDAMEH TO THE EXTREME!!!" I know I am an easily annoyed person. I accept that and try to hold in my annoyance for the sake of getting along. In this case, I don't think I'm going to be able to. She told me she was going to be gone a lot during the day and that I would barely see her this semester... I see her all the time. I've taken to staying in the library until it closes (12 am). This can't go on. I need to be alone and I can't. I can't be alone in my own room and I'm obviously not going to be alone in the library. It's funny though I feel more alone when I am in the library than in my room with her. College is most definitely not set up for people who need their alone time on a regular basis.

Don't get me wrong she is a nice enough person, but she doesn't communicate. I am the one who has to initiate all conversations. Not only is that not natural for me, but it is downright tiresome. I am not the type of person that is going to continue to try and get you to communicate when you obviously don't want to. Trust me I understand about being shy and an introvert. I understand. But you gotta give somewhere and this girl is simply not giving. If it continues like this it was be one long ass semester.

p.s. Please, please, please stop smacking and being inconsiderate. I know you don't know you are doing it. I suppose I will have to tell you soon before everything spills out of me at once and then I look the villain. I guess I was just really hoping you would get the hint by now.
---

Oh yeah and I'm going to Sweden for two weeks in January... woot

30 yr old w/ kids

2011-07-10T18:48:00.000-07:00

The idiocy of people still kind of amazes me. I really don't know why. It shouldn't considering where I work attracts the stupidest people in the midwest at the very least.

There is this girl at work who looks like she may be fifteen at the very oldest, but she is eighteen. I knew that because she didn't take the longer thirty minute breaks that the minors are required to take at work. A couple of us were talking about this one day, thankfully towards the end of the day. We then talked about this guy who looks like he is at the oldest sixteen, but is twenty-two. This is the same age as me.

With the exception of when I was little and very tall for my age, I have always been thought of as younger than my age. The baby face runs in my family. I cannot remember ever being told I looked older.

So when I remarked that I couldn't believe he was the same age as me the eighteen year old girl looked at me and went, "You are twenty-two?!"

"Yes, Yes I am twenty-two..."

"Oh my god, I thought you were in your thirties!!!"

...

The other two women that were there and part of the conversation quickly sucked in their breaths and turned to me to gauge my reaction.

I didn't have much of one. Had I not been at work I probably would have had a very different reaction. I have a temper that I don't even like to see come out. It actually annoys me when I overreact, so I have practiced over the years to manage it. I have become pretty good at it, which the girl should be very thankful of. Something tells me, however, that she wouldn't be the least bit grateful.

The idiot continued for another ten to fifteen minutes to voice her amazement that I wasn't in my thirties. As she did this the word of her verbal shitfall made it's way down the line leaving everyone wondering how I had not slapped her. Again, I don't think I would ever do that even with my temper, but the fact that she just kept going on made me rethink my reigned in actions.

She put the proverbial cherry on top when she turned to me later and asked me if I had kids...

"No, no I don't"

"Why not?"

At this I just had to stop what I was doing to look off into space and gather whatever patience I had left in me. It's not that I was offended though the other women around seemed to be offended for me. I was just plain annoyed. As though at twenty two I should have been sleeping around and already had the 2.5 kids that everyone needs to complete their lives.

Thankfully the other girl there took up the conversation and questioned the idiot as to why I should already have kids. The idiot replied that twenty-two was a good age to start, but then stated that she thought twenty-six or so would be when she would start having kids. Honestly I don't know if humanity could survive that.

Of course when we were clocking out I have to find the humor in everything. I mean it's the end of a long day and Friday no less. We all need a little humor in our lives. So I promptly announced that I was going to go home and feed my kids and rest my weary 30 year old feet. Yes, I found my laughter again in a matter of minutes. No idiot can keep me down.

PA

2011-06-25T12:14:00.000-07:00

I walk into the building after some hesitation and walk to the bulletin board. "PA- Rm 229." I find the stairs and take them to the second floor and hope that the room is at the other end of the building so that I have more time before I have to go in. I should have remembered I am not that lucky. The room was right by the stairs. The door was closed and I could hear voices inside. I reached for the knob, but froze a few inches before touching it. I couldn't do it. Next week I tell myself. I will do it next week. I feel better. I calmly walk down the stairs, out of the building, and down the street towards the bus stop.
.....
Inside the room: A heavyset, middle aged woman walks up to a podium where a young man just finished speaking, "Thanks for sharing Nathan. Just remember that you are not alone." She turns to the others in the room who are sitting in a semi-circle, "None of us are alone. Even though we are on our separate journeys we are together in this. Who else would like to share?"

An older gentleman that kind of looks like that actor Morgan Freeman stands up and walks towards the podium. He stands in front of everyone and blinks. He starts, "Hello, my name is Grant."
The others respond, "Hello Grant."
Grant takes an easy breath and continues, "This is my 47th Procrastinator's anonymous meeting..."

tbc...

Lately

2011-02-10T11:53:00.000-08:00

So I haven't really been procrastinating writing this blog, I have just been preoccupied with another one. For one of my classes I have to keep a blog, so with that and other class work I have been a little busy.

We are reading Dante's Inferno currently. If for some reason anyone is interested in the nonsense I spurt out after reading sections of Dante then they can click here. If not then you can continue reading the nonsense I spurt out here.

We went through a blizzard last week here in Wisconsin... you may have heard about it. I was without heat the next day. It was cold. I didn't really get many pictures, but here is one of a bench that had been semi-cleared off just to get an idea at the level of snow.

It has felt like I've been here a month, but it's only been a week. Funny how time feels sometimes. I went through a sort of panic when I first got here. For some reason several people in different situations all in the same day questioned my choice of major. That's not to say that I started all of a sudden questioning my choice it just made me question it all over again.

I've felt okay about it since I've been here. It always helps me to actually be in a classroom learning it from a professor (unless the professor is an idiot which has been known to happen) instead of trying to teach myself from a book. It has made me more interested in the major. Besides I have studied the college catalog and I feel that this major is the best choice for me and will give me the best options after college. Then why did I still feel the need to panic?

I finally figured out that mostly my choice felt incomplete. Business wasn't the problem it was the fact that business is a little too vague. Yes I can do several things with a business education, but it would be nice if I had a specialty or something that made me stand out. I needed an area that I can work towards. I'll be a junior in the fall. While everyone tells me not to worry and that I have time, I know for myself I need to be working towards what I want to do. People don't seem to understand that.

I went through trying to figure out what I could major in if I changed, but I just ended back up with Business (call me chicken I don't care). Then I decided to find something else to double major. I had been interested in Asian Studies and Japanese before, so I decided to look back at those majors. Okay I cannot major in Japanese, because I need four years of the language. Okay Asian Studies then. Oh man I would have to take a summer session just to get enough courses in to double major and there is no guarantee that the courses that I would need to take would be offered that semester. Well I can minor in it and Japanese courses count towards it. I will continue to major in Business (as long as I can get through accounting this semester heh) and minor in Asian Studies. That way I have a specific area I could try to pursue if I wanted, I am learning a language I am interested in, and I have courses that are different so I don't burn out on business courses. Calm.

I don't know if any of that makes sense, but that's what I went through at the beginning of this semester. All that in one week. I feel much better though. Now I am back to worrying about getting good grades this semester and doubting my academic skills. Sometimes I throw a little stress in about getting in shape for my summer trip, so I break up the ridiculousness.

Such is my mind. Such is my life.

Anewther Year

2011-01-06T19:14:00.000-08:00

So it's 2011. Not too much to say. Came back from college after finals in December. I received all As. Woot fer me. Christmas and New Years went by quick. The family always fondues on the eves of both holidays. It is delicious and I recommend doing it. Then big dinners on the actual holiday. Basically all this means food and lots of it. I feel like all I have done in the past few weeks is eat and become more out of shape. This must change. Tomorrow I will start eating better and getting on the treadmill. I'm also going to try to build up the number of push ups I can do.

I wish I could have a complete break from school work, but my procrastination has come up to bite me in the ass. I was able to complete three courses from a previous college I attended at a distance before going off in September to my current place of study. I was not able to finish the fourth and am now faced with completing it before I go back for Spring term. I am not sure if it is possible, but I will definitely try.

Not much else is going at the moment, but that's kind of a good thing.

Finals

2010-12-12T14:45:00.001-08:00

AHHHHH IT'S FINALS WEEK!!! I can't believe the semester is over already. We'll It'll be over on Friday. Not gonna head home until Sat. though. I am pretty sure if I do well on my exams I should get all A's. At least I better. If not then the professor will have to show me where they got there numbers heh.

I'm not saying that I will keep up all A's till I graduate, but wouldn't that be awesome? I'm also trying to get into honors. I have to submit one of the papers I wrote. If I pass that then I'll have to do an interview. NOt really looking forward to that part. I suck at interviews. Will definitely have to think about what I will say beforehand.

I plan on getting in shape when I go home and continuing the process when I come back next semester. I worked my schedule so that I will be done with classes at noon, so I have no excuses for not going over to the gym after and working out. NO EXCUSES! That's my plan anyway. I must get in shape for Nicaragua. I want to have fun and not be meh the whole time, cause I'm out of breath and crap.

That's about it for now. Must do some work (might watch a movie too lol hey! What's the Life of a Procrastinator without a little procrastination now and again?).

A Good Day

2010-12-01T18:02:00.001-08:00

It's weird to know that a day could be good when not everything about that day was good. So with only two hours of sleep last night and a test for my 8 a.m. class, you'd think it couldn't be a good day. That's what I thought at least.

I go into my class early, as I have to due to the crappy shuttle schedule that is my way of getting on campus. I usually talk to my professor who is really nice, so it works out. She came in and told me that I can take it on Monday night. I was sold on it and went back to my room and slept.

Then the maid didn't come (I live in a hotel). Which is just annoying, because we have to clear stuff away for her and we get toilet paper. So we moved stuff for nothing and no toilet paper. Obviously the toilet paper is the most upsetting thing.

Then I go to my science class, which usually cheers me up. My professor is awesome and my two college friends that I have (woot for two!) are in that class. My professor asked the class if we would mind terribly if we did a group project instead of a final exam. I think the answer we gave should be obvious. So that is a big relief. Then one of my friends and I stayed after and just talked with the professor which is always a good thing. We figured out a way that we could all spend time together next semester (cause we won't have classes together or with him as a professor). We are also friends with his wife who we met through volunteering. So I feel a lot better about next semester.

So I just feel a lot better about everything. Two other things I was worrying about came through. One financial and the other information about an extension for my math class that I never finished with another college. It looks like everything will work out. And I can definitely go to Nicaragua in May/June now. Oh and my friend from class is going and it's with our professor, so I'm totally excited. Just got to get in better shape.

So I actually had a good day. Exciting? Not really. Life changing? Not really. It just was a day that worked out. Know what I mean, Vern?

¡Hola! Nicaragua

2010-11-21T18:45:00.000-08:00

So for two weeks around the last week of May and the first week of June 2011 I will be going to Nicaragua. Cannot tell you how excited I am. You wouldn't think it if you saw me, but as I was telling a friend of mine I am really an internal celebrator.

It is for my college and I get credit and everything. Yeah it's 2200 bucks, but I will have it soon and I honestly think it will be worth it. It's part medical mission and the other part geographical, environmental, cultural, etc. My science professor who is one of the nicest people you could ever meet (along with his wife) is one of the two professors leading the trip. I also found out that my friend from college can also go. I would have been fine because my professor is going, but it will definitely have a lot more fun now that she is going as well. I am a little nervous about working in the clinic, but I'll worry about that when it gets a little closer.

Feeling good about spring semester; I worked it so that I will be done with my classes by noon everyday. This is good, because I need to start going to the gym and getting in shape. There is no way I can mountain bike and haul my ass up the side of a volcano or whatever at the current state I am in. I will definitely get in shape. I remember talking to my friend about having reasons for losing weight, which she said was not the same as motivation. I didn't get it, but now I believe I finally have the right motivation. This will be one thing that I say I will do and then do it. I will go to Nicaragua and I will enjoy it. To enjoy it, I must get in better shape. Otherwise I would be miserable and I am not paying 2200 to be miserable and that is all there is to it!

Home till Friday and then will have to head back. Works for me.

SO excited!

My First Busride

2010-09-30T12:28:00.000-07:00

I've never been on a public bus before. Yep that's me. I am now in a situation where unless I use the bus I would have to mooch rides off of people or be limited to the places I could walk to. Not fun. Of course there are several bars within walking distance to keep me occupied, but that's another post.

I just used the bus for the first time in my life. I felt stupid and I had a silly grin on my face for the longest time sitting there. I don't know what it meant, but it meant something. Knowing that I can get somewhere without someone driving me is significant maybe. Don't get me wrong I'd still prefer a car ride. Actually I'd love to be able to drive myself, but until that happens I guess I like knowing I'm not stuck.

It was very bumpy and loud and there were questionable noises coming from the back, but I made it to my destination. Well I thought the bus went through the college, but it stops at a park near it so I had to walk. It's strange, because on the map it seems to go through the school and I saw the bus stop at the school when I came to visit before. I don't know I'll have to look into it I guess.

But I am here and alive and I held up my promise to Joy that I would get on the bus. Of course I did only use it to go to school, but I still used the bus. Of course when I left my housing to go to the bus stop there was the school shuttle there. I could have chickened out and went on that, but I didn't. I also now know that the bus I took goes to two different grocery store... both of which carry liquor. In conclusion, I will survive.

Failureness

2010-09-25T18:24:00.000-07:00

I mess up to much. Like if I ever start feeling better about anything I mess up and then feel like a failure which I am, but I do try not to be. I guess there isn't any point in trying not to be. Just embrace my failure nature and be done with it.

I don't even know what I'm trying to accomplish.

Awesome and Irksome

2010-09-20T10:06:00.001-07:00

Things are better. I am going to a Habitat for Humanity meeting tomorrow. Pretty excited about that. I am most likely going to go to a Resident Life Council meeting. Not really interested but my Hall director suggested it as something to do since I didn't sign up for any clubs initially. I am also thinking about Joining Poetry Underground. It's just a poetry club and while I'm not really a poet I do like to write and I occasionally write a somewhat decent poem or two. It won't hurt. So I think things are looking up.

Class wise I am getting really pissed off at my Intro. to Bus/Tech professor. First of all I shouldn't even have to take this class. I've already taken a introduction to business course and about six other business courses as well. Yeah I've gone over everything in this class before. Oh well, so the course I took did transfer but did so as an elective. Okay I'll waste my time in taking the course, but show up!!! Okay if you are sick, but then email us. If we don't read the email and show up anyways then that's on us. If you don't email us and we show up and sit and wait just for someone else to come in and tell us you are not coming is lame. If we are going to miss class the professors expect us to get in contact and at least email them. That to me is a two way street buddy!

My other classes are fine.

Wth do I do now?

2010-09-13T12:39:00.000-07:00

Yep! This here is one of those posts I foresaw me doing. I really don't know what to do. I lack the skills I should have developed long ago. Here is my advice for 22 year olds thinking about living at college for the first time: don't. Seriously though, you would probably have no problem, but I am just a big ole fish out of my tiny pond. Not a good idea to put me in Lake Michigan. Way to big a body of water for me. It would have been easier had I been living alone. It's weird and it doesn't sound healthy, but when I'm alone I want to be alone. That doesn't make sense. It's when you think about going home and to your bed and having alone time and then you can't really because someone else's bed two feet from yours. I wouldn't mind so much if I felt more included, but I don't. I suppose I am one extreme or the other. Either include me and be friends with me or just don't talk to me entirely. I don't think I like the merely coexisting for the time being. It's weird and I don't like it.

So far classes are going okay. We'll see how things progress.

Oh yeah and I need to freaking start using the bus system. Starting to feel trapped.

Beginning

2010-09-04T20:11:00.001-07:00

It's like a new beginning starting tomorrow, but a continuation at the same time. I will be moving into my housing for school, which happens to be a hotel. Go figure. I foresee many "Wth do I do now?" posts.

Just a mini update with the classes I was trying to get done before I went. I have now two completely done. Finished up one today (I know cutting it close). I have just two more tests for another one. The last class (Math of Finance) I still have pretty much the whole course to do, but I'm not going to worry about that right now. Just going to concentrate on adjusting and not procrastinating for this new semester at a new college.

I have been thinking a lot about what I might want to do after college and I have reached the same conclusion as before: idk.

2010-08-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

You give me hope and then take it away.
It is a good thing I'm used to it.

Gorgeous

2010-07-29T14:34:00.000-07:00

Not too much going on in my life other than I quit my job early to get some classes finished before I go to another college in September. I have seriously screwed myself and haven't really given myself a lot of time, but I am working hard. Hopefully I will keep at it.

I am in love. No seriously I am. Actually it's just one of those celebrity crushes. Saw a band perform and I'm really into the lead singer. I am more of an actor person, but sometimes I'll get into a band member. It is usually the drummer, because the singer is too pretty. This one is sort of, but I like him anyways. I'll be over it soon enough. Maybe. You never know though!

Still trying to raise money on Crowdrise. It's still mainly me donating when I can, though someone made my day by donating not too long ago. They are getting closer and closer to their goal on the Masai Villagers Truck Project!!!

This was mostly just a small update blog. Nothing too special.

New Importance

2010-06-04T21:04:00.000-07:00

I remember once... I watched this movie and there was this love scene. It started out with her coming into his tent, and she started to say something, and then realized there was no need to say it. He came to her. He looked at her. Then he hugged her. Then closer like he was welcoming her home finally. Then they kissed. After that they started a nice love scene.

I remember thinking at the time how slow it was and liking it when it came to the actual love scene. A couple days ago I started thinking about it and decided to watch it. I realize now the love scene started when she walked into that tent and he hugged her. That was the part I now replayed. A single hug made a movie.

Well, for me at least. It is a B movie. Not all of them are that bad. Even this one isn't that great, but I'll watch it. Just for that hug and to see it play out.

Crowdrise Poem

2010-04-21T02:23:00.000-07:00

There is this site called Crowdrise and it is where people can help causes by creating projects and spreading it around and having people donate. You can go there and donate. You do not even need to become a member. You can donate anonymously. But i think it's great to become a member and help if you can even if by just raising more awareness. Click here to go to my page on crowdrise. I am not sure what to do yet other than donate, but I was inspired and something started forming in my head. Usually when this happens I don't write it down and then try to remember it later and cannot. Please keep in mind I am not a writer or anything. This is what I wrote down.

Crowdrise by Rani Leto

All the people of the world
Are now a crowd rising up
Joining together as one
To create a half-filled cup

Whether they sing or bake
Tell jokes and exhibit their charms
Or simply use their skills to skate
They now answer a call to arms

This time there are no guns
There are no bombs
No strife, nor wars
There is no murder,
Bribing politicians,
Or bombing Cars.

This time we are fixing all the ills,
The misfortunes,
The wrong and bad.
All that we created
And that we all
Now find sad.

We see a child’s cup empty
We answer the plight
We find a town in darkness
We see it have light.

A land far beyond ours is left barren.
A land needs tilling.
A letter from mother to son unread.
A school needs building.

Parents aren’t outlived
Burying the young
It now happens less
Mosquito nets hung

Medical supplies, a skate park
Even a neat land rover
People of crowdrise determined
To see their love allover

So start baking, start running
Start doing whatever
It is that you do
Cause if you don’t give back
No one will like you

A Life

2010-04-01T04:30:00.000-07:00

For the last day or so, I have had this image in my head of what I am supposed to look like. I know that is the way I am supposed to be. It is just very difficult to get to that, but I know I can.

I was also sitting here thinking about the life that I might have, the things that I might do, where I am supposed to be. This isn't even for when I end up settling down or anything. It's just for the near future. I would like to do these things with friends that I have pictured.

By writing this I am procrastinating. I have put myself in a position where I don't have enough time to finish these courses when I need to have them finished. I am usually good with finishing a course within a certain amount of time, but this might be the time that I don't. Granted I have the rest of the year to finish them technically, but I really need to have them done by June. That is when I go to Carthage and meet with an advisor to set up classes. I don't know. I am worried and I am still procrastinating when I have no time really to do so.

We'll see.

Xena Go Woo-Woo!

2010-03-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

When my dad comes home our dog, Xena, gets so excited she goes woo-woo. There's notreal way to explain it except just to watch the video below. She was extra excited this time, because he was gone for a whole week. She actually didn't give a decent woo-woo until I had stopped recording, but she does enough for me to find it humorous.

Dream

2010-03-25T02:57:00.001-07:00

I have the weirdest dreams. I really do. Now I am sure you want examples. The problem with that is that I forget them either when I wake up or about 10 minutes after I get up. I sort of remember my dream from last night, so I thought I'd share what I can remember.

Now I believe it started in some bar, but almost like it was small town diner/cafe sort of thing, but there was a bar there. These guys were in an argument and some other guy got up and socked this guy in the head causing him to drop. The bartender/owner dude congratulated him. By this point I am tired of all the noise, so I said up and yelled as loud as I can in a deep voice to shut it up. Well naturally everyone shuts up and I jump down. This was kind of like a superhuman jump as where I was sitting was like a level up and in the back from the bar. The bartender/owner dude starts saying something to me, but all I remember is going off on him and saying at some point, "You encouraged him, " referring to the dude who knocked out the other dude. He wasn't taking me very seriously, which pissed me off so I left.

Here's where things get even more fuzzy. I am with a group of friends walking down the street. It definitely is a really small town, because there is like the main street and that's all there is of town. We are walking and I remember we stop and this train station thing. It's not a train station like nowadays. It's just one of those tiny one room buildings and a platform like they used to have. I am sure if you have ever seen a western or watched Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman you know what I mean. Anyway, all of it, the building, platform, and even the train are all charred and the building is half burned down. The same with the train. It must be normal, because we don't address it.

I am not really sure what happened at this point. I think I kept switching from this point to others and back again. At one point I was walking by myself and there was this mean, shorter, skinny, red-haired man sitting outside, There wasn't anyone else around. I was walking by him and all of a sudden he yanked me over his lap and just started spanking me. (I have no idea...) It really hurt too. It was the pretty violent kind. Anyway, either he eventually stopped or I just don't remember how I got free, but I did and got the hell out of there. Then I remember looking out for him the rest of the dream. Sometimes I would see him, but I didn't run from him. I don't think I looked back at the situation as all that bad. Weird.

At this point I believe I switch back to walking with my friends. Among them is one guy who I like. I don't remember what he looks like except he is tall, dark-haired, and sort of tan. I tell him about what the red-haired man did to me. Then it switches to us in a Walmart like store. We are walking down the isles and then we hear something. I should explain that although I am walking with my friends I also have an aerial view of the isles around me in my dream that I switch between my regular view. We look back and we see this short, fat dude of indeterminate ethnicity. I want to say he is an islander. Like maybe Samoan or Filipino or something. We are just going to call him The Gremlin. The Gremlin has this club type thing raised above it head and it looking straight at me. Next thing I know I am running through the isles sometimes with The Gremlin on my heels. I am surprised I didn't wake up at this point, because it was pretty scary.

I know that went on for a couple of minutes and throughout it I have no idea where my friends are. I also remember running by the red-haired man. The Gremlin just wanted me I guess. Maybe I shouldn't call it that, because it might lead you to imagine it with abnormal features, but he is human. Eventually I yell something out and some people are hauling The Gremlin away from me. He must have lost some weight while chasing me though and grew an inch or two. That wasn't the end of The Gremlin though. The dream cuts right away to later in the store when we see The Gremlin again. This time he drops his club type thing and just walks up to me, but in slow motion sort of. This part is kinda fuzzy. I remember at this point wondering if The Gremlin was indeed a girl and it was mumbling something about it wasn't going to hurt me and that I was it's girlfriend or something. I wanted to set him/her straight, but I didn't want it chasing me anymore. At some point it was wearing white, Lady Gaga type glasses.

Then I am walking with my friends again. The dude is the only one in the group I seem to talk to, except one time. At some point in the dream one of the girls and I were walking and we walk through the burned up train platform with the burned building on one side and the train on the other. We walk down the platform and I get extremely uncomfortable and want to go back. My friend said, "Yeah, my mom gets like that too. She says it was because the train was full of people when it burned. Everyone died." We turn around and start to walk back. The feeling gets stronger and stronger. I remember saying, "I feel them... I can hear their screams!" I really could too. It was pretty creepy. I looked up and saw my dude friend at the start of the platform and just concentrated on making it to him.

The dream now cuts to me in the car. I am in the back left with my dude friends on the right of me. At this point is when I consider it a nightmare. In front of me, on the passenger side, is my mother. I have no idea who is driving. The subject of smoking gets brought up. It might be because my dude friend is smoking, but that's something that is fuzzy about the dream. I think he is though. My mom says something about her always smoking. I turn my friend and say, "She always say this, but I have never seen her smoke." Then I look up and her window is rolled down and her elbow resting on it. I follow her arm up and in her fingers I see a cigarette burning and her smoking. I turn back to my friend with a surprised expression, "I really have never seen her smoke before!"

At one point my mom rolls up her window, but I tell her if she is going to smoke then she has to put it back down. She does. I should inform anyone reading this that my mom has never smoked anything a day in her life. The last thing I remember thinking in my dream was that my mom really shouldn't be smoking. She coughs most of the time as it is. Then an image of the red-haired man flashed in my mind and then I woke up. Moral of the story is: Watch your ass in Walmart.

I have these weird dreams all the time. They are like five dreams all rolled into one. This is the first time I ever really wrote one down.

Oh and I dream in colour.

It was Au'some!

2010-03-22T17:27:00.000-07:00

Last week was pretty awesome if not a little tiring. Blu arrived on Tuesday and my dad and I met her at the airport. For the first couple of moments I think we were both a little unsure of how to take it all in. That changed when we got into the car. I brought up one of the topics we always talk about and we were off! We were talking like we had known each other for years. Well we have known each other going on two years now, but it was really easy talking to each other. We had my dad laughing the whole way home.

We had fun that night. We played pool, which we both sucked at. Then we played darts, which she rocks at, but only won because she cheated. It was hilarious. Of course we had to hit up some classic games on the Wii. We played Super Mario Bros. games and Donkey Kong. We pretty much did that all night.

The next day we left to go to Carthage. We arrived just before 4 p.m. Now it started off great. We met with one of our student overnight hosts, who I had met before. She had given my dad and I the tour when we came last month. Then we met up with the other overnight host who did not seem really into it. We went off with the nice host to watch her theater rehearsal, which was pretty awesome. We left early though, because the other host had kept talking about how early she had to get up and the rehearsal went to 10 p.m., so we didn't want to have her up too late waiting for us. She ended up staying up to 10 p.m. anyways. We got split up then into separate buildings. We slept on the floor in our hosts rooms. I lucked out.... I had carpet.

We got back together the next morning and I knew because of last night Blu really wasn't into the college. Breakfast was really good though. We went back to the admissions building to find a class to sit in on, but I didn't really want to at that point. Blu wasn't really into it either, so we decided to just walk around campus and take pictures. This was probably the best thing we could have done. It allowed us to see ourselves walking around campus as if we were students there. Even though I am definitely going there, it helped me become more familiar with Carthage. It is a new experience for me and sometimes I don't do well with drastic changes like that. I feel so much better about attending Carthage now. Even though Blu has pretty much decided to stay in Connecticut at her new job that she loves, it was really great that she came and experienced that with me.

We got home around four that evening, ate dinner, and just lazed around until around 8 p.m. we decided to get on blogtv. Of course, I failed and didn't get on cam, but it was still fun. We originally got on blogtv for my sister, but she was on the road going out of town. We were on there a couple of hours and then watched a movie. We had to leave at 4 a.m. to take her to the airport that was an hour away, so we decided we just wouldn't go to sleep. We were exhausted. This coupled with the past couple of nights of little sleep was too much.

I am glad she came though and we are definitely going to meet up again. Only, next time we are getting more sleep. I am not saying that we are going to get the recommended hours of sleep, but we are going to get a decent amount. Four days with little to no sleep is a little much even for me. It's my turn to visit her next and I can't wait!

-------

On the school work end, I am attempting to do work for my Global Business class. I was talking with my sister and we kinda figured out that I am used to doing one class at a time and I am capable of doing that class within a short amount of time. Therefore I am going to attempt to do one class at a time starting with Global Business. I ran into a little snag last night was going through the first chapter and almost said that I couldn't do it, but I regrouped and will continue.

Typical

2010-03-13T03:54:00.000-08:00

I decided I was going to writ a blog that had nothing to do with me complaining about how much I sucked and how much I am procrastinating. Then I tried to think of something to write about and I kept coming back to the usual except it sounded even more depressing. So, I have nothing to talk about that will not sound depressing or sounding ridiculously low self-esteem-ish. See I am writing about not writing about it and how is it sounding? depressing.

I saw two movies. I went and saw Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Theif. It was decent. I like mythology stuff so it was right up my alley. I knew when I saw the title that it was a book series even though I never had heard of it. I mean come on. Why else would you title a movie like that? Acting was decent, gods were hot, Peirce Brosnan as a centaur, Uma Thurman as Medusa, and one or two chuckles. Overall not bad.

The next night I saw Cop Out. I pretty much knew when I saw the preview how it was gonna go down. It was alright. Not up to Kevin Smith standards, but then he didn't write this one. Bruce Willis and Tracey Morgan was kind of a good team though. Sometimes it got a little too ridiculous so it was funny, but most of the time you just kinda were waiting for the next scene. Best bet is probably waiting for DVD.

I do want to go see Alice in Wonderland. I was debating it at first, but the more I watch the previews the more I want to see it. I think the turning point came when the Mad Hatter was welcoming her back in the trailer. I do have to say from the trailer, Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter does seem to have a little Willy Wonkaness in him though more ridiculous. That's just by the trailer though. I also want to see what is up with the battle looking scene.

I guess I should explain why I didn't want to see it in the first place. It's because of the Brothers Tweedle. Yes, that's right. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. My brother and I have this thing about them from the cartoon version. Anyways, i only caught a glimpse of them from the trailer and I don't like the looks of them, but I think I'll tough it out to see the film. I just don't know when.

So a friend I had pretty much decided had forgotten about me messaged me out of nowhere. I didn't believe it was them at first, just someone playing games, but I looked at the conversation history and it actually was them. Freaked me out a little bit. It's hard to talk though. I don't know what to say. We talked about everyday when we first became friends and then went to not talking at all. Didn't have a fight or anything just stopped. Occasionally I would try to talk to them, but they weren't there or were distracted. I still consider them a close friend though and was happy to hear the equivalent from them. Hopefully we will talk more often now.

I wasn't gonna talk about my procrastination with school, but screw that I am talking about it. I wanted to mess with the powerpoint software and my course manual for Global Business was sitting there, so I probably spent like 10 hours making the powerpoint equivalent of my Global Business course manual. What a waste of time. I mean I have read every word of it though. Actually, reading it makes me more secure about being able to do it. Honestly the assignments aren't that hard. Well I didn't read the questions in the book I have to answer, but I always can get stuff like that done. The only thing I would have to worry about really is the exams. There are three. All this makes me wonder if I should make powerpoints for all my course manuals, so i know what exactly I have to do for each one. Maybe then I would actually buckle down and do them. Probably not. Probably just another thing to put the work off. I do feel better about doing the class, but still nada course accomplishment.

Tuesday is only a couple more days away. Blu will be coming. Oh my goodness my mind is running crazy with insecurities. Like she cares what I look like. I mean really, I think we are just gonna be ridiculous like we are on skype. I gotta freaking clean my freaking room. She got a job in CT though, so the chances of her actually attending Carthage went from slim to pretty much none. At least we get to meet and she can still have Carthage as an option if the job doesn't work out.

I just typed out a paragraph and deleted it obviously. No you don't get to know what that one was about. I honestly don't know what to type right now, so I'll probably end this here so I don't start typing my heart out and make more of a fool of myself than usual.

Accepted

2010-03-06T07:49:00.000-08:00

I received my acceptance letter from Carthage College the other day. If I can get these classes done then I would feel so much better about everything. Right now I don't feel so good about things.

I am excited about my friend Blu coming up here to go to Carthage and spend the night there and attend a class, so we can both get a better glimpse of life there. I hope she gets accepted too and she likes it there. She also applied to another college closer to where she is at, so I hope she gets in there too.

Other than being excited about that I am just anxious and worried. I feel another panic attack coming on. Time is ticking and I am doing nothing. I already know that I am going to have to have help with my math work. When I was doing it I got my first lesson done and sent the assignment in. 100%. No problem. I start on the second lesson and I have no idea what they are talking about. The people that kinda helped me with the first one don't understand it either. I'm just gonna have to ask for help. With the other classes I just have to read and understand which I can do. I am just not doing it.

I wish I can do that. I wish I can do this. I wish I were that. I wish this was so. I'm a failure. I fail. I am failing. I suck. Blah Blah Blah. That's what goes through my mind. None of it helps. It's all true, but doesn't help. Honestly I just have to act. I have plenty of things to motivate me and plenty of reasons to do it (I was recently told they were different, so I have both), but apparently I lack the ability to act.

I know I will get it done. I always get it done. I just don't know why I make it so hard on myself. I just know that if I sit there and get it all done then I would feel so much lighter and be able to actually look forward to going to Carthage. I want to feel that way.

Random Facts

2010-02-20T01:03:00.001-08:00

I am updating!

First of all what is it with people like me (you know who you are) where they feel the need to blog after they have had a meltdown? What sets me apart is that I actually won't talk about why I had one, the reasons behind it, I just feel the need to write. So, that is what I am doing. I didn't know if you could tell or not.

I am taking procrastination to new heights. If I can sit down and finish these classes when I need them to be done by, it would be a miracle. Seriously. I am getting my sister mad at me with me avoiding doing school work. She has every reason to get pissed at me. I know I am. I have no reason to not be doing it. I just don't and I really have no idea why. I am going to try to turn things around this next week. Wish me luck!

I feel like sharing random facts about myself:

I can be obsessive. I usually get obsessed with something and that's all I have on my brain for days or weeks. I do it with songs, movies, actors, events, etc. I've gotten obsessed with everything from Lady Gaga songs to the Triangle Shirtwaist Company fire.

I really actually do want to sit down and make videos for youtube and 12seconds where I "show face". I'm just not comfortable with myself enough to do it right now. Though even if I were, I would still probably hesitate since I'm so used to the way I do things now.

I don't have many friends. Hardly any really. That's okay though. I wouldn't want a lot. I really don't see how someone had 600 numbers in their phone. That's just ridiculous. I am the type that usually has like four or five friends they are really close with. Of course right now I'm running under quota. I think I'll be fine as long I keep my two friends I talk to online everyday (you two are stuck with me now!). I think I just need one or two that actually live in the same place that I can actually hang out with.

I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up (even though I already am). Oh I have a million ideas, but I'm indecisive about that. I decided to go to school for a business degree even though artsy stuff or like a trade interests me more. I figure it'll get me some sort of job. Probably not one of my better decisions I am thinking, but we shall see.

I wonder why I am always the person that is forgotten about. I guess I'm not very memorable. It doesn't really bother me too much anymore. I am just really curious. It has always been that way. I mean it can actually come in handy. Think about it.

I don't date. It's another thing I don't do cause I need to be comfortable with myself first, but even then I probably still wouldn't do it. Just seems to be a lot of fuss for a lot of trouble. I'll just hang out in the sidelines and continue to watch the carnage. Thank you!

I would love it if I had a cool nickname. My name just usually get shortened down and used as a nickname. Confession: In high school on those silly get to know me forms for the teacher, where it said nick names, I actually used to put things like Red and ... actually that's the only one I can remember seeing as they were never used. Now Rani is kind of like my nickname which is okay I guess... though it's kind of like a shortened down version of my name if you think about it.

This is getting slightly ridiculous, so I will end it on one more fact:

I have a lot of love to give even though I don't show it, so I am giving some free love out to whoever reads this

♥

There ya go!

(It's gotta be small so everyone gets some : )

-rani

My Life At The Moment

2010-01-29T16:10:00.000-08:00

I am officially beyond procrastinating right now. I am just not doing anything. I don't even think I'm putting it off. I am just not interested and that is not good. Three of my classes aren't even really going to be hard. I just need to sit down read the material, do the assignments and I will be fine. The only one that is going to be difficult is the math. With no direct instruction it is not an easy thing. I am not sure what I am going to do at the moment. I have been putting off emailing the instructor for help but it seems that is the only thing to do.

I have had a lot on my mind lately, though I'm not even going to try to blame that for being the reason behind my procrastination. I'm above that... not by much mind you. I had plans set for this year. They kept changing a little bit, but basically I was going to continue with UW-Platteville through the Distance Education and move in with a friend of mine who is now in Connecticut and then figure things out I suppose at that point. That is to say, we would decide then whether we would stay there or try for NY. That was the plan. It might still be the plan, but it is a big if.

I don't remember what day it was now, but maybe around two weeks ago, I received a package in the mail from a college. I knew I had never requested information from there as the letter suggested. I would have remembered. I glanced at the viewbook they sent among the things and I thought it looked like a really nice place. I hadn't planned on looking anymore as I already had plans, but I kept getting drawn into the material. My mother came along later to ask me something and after answering her I held her back from leaving and told her to look at the picture of the whole campus. She had pretty much the same reaction I did. I told her they had my degree, which interested her more. My mother would grasp onto anything at this point. She just wants me to stay in Wisconsin.

Next I showed it to my father. Again pretty much the same reaction. He said it looked really nice and we might have talked about it for three or so minutes and that was it. I took the stuff back to my room and there it sat untouched for the rest of the day. The material sat untouched but not the idea of going there. I thought about it the rest of the day, went to sleep thinking about it and then next day woke up and looked at the material again. What surprised me is when my father knocked on my door and asked to see the material again. I gave him the stuff and after looking at it again he just kept saying how nice the place looked.

Later on while he was working out in the barn I asked him why the other day He just said it looked nice and now he had wanted to look at the stuff again and was excited about it. His answer was that ever since I had showed it to him he hadn't been able to stop thinking about the college. We talked about it more and we both agreed it would be a good place for me. We knew that before I decided anything I would have to visit.

Long story....long, My father and I are going to go visit next Friday. I honestly think I will like it there. The only thing that makes me hesitate is the idea of the dorms and living in the same room with someone you don't know. I never saw myself living in a dorm. Never thought I would, but now it is a good possibility.

I guess I should leave off here. I already rambled on and made a short story too long. By the way, the college all the fuss is about is Carthage College.

Not Enough

2010-01-20T19:01:00.000-08:00

So this is the third week of school for me. Well I've had my stuff longer than that, but I said I would start on Jan.4. It's the third week and I have one assignment ready to send in. Three weeks and only one done. I am seriously failing. Strangely enough, the assignment I have done is in Math. Never been my best subject.

You know you are procrastinating, but you do nothing to stop it most of the time. You let it continue. Sound familiar? I know it does to me. If I am to meet my goals for this year, then I have to stop procrastination. Realistically, I know that I will never be able to cut out procrastination completely, but I have to bring it down from this ridiculous level.

One reason it is hard, because with print-based courses you have a year to complete them. Obviously, I do not want to take the full year. I'd like to complete them within a regular term period. With print-based, that year is your only do date. zI am not good with this. It has been suggested to me to set up due dates for myself and I have thought about this. The problem: I cannot trick myself into believeing the legitimacy of these dates. I know it is in my best interest to follow them, but I know in the forefront of my mind that I will not be penalized grade-wise by not meeting them.

Failage Sisters Podcast!

2010-01-08T21:06:00.001-08:00

I never mentioned that my sister, Joy (we sort of adopted each other), wanted to do a podcast with me and for some unknown reason I agreed to do it. So, if you would like to hear two women fail together then click HERE.

I must warn you that the sound is messed up. I am much louder than her and her mic is a little static-y and cuts in and out a little bit at points, but that's why it's the first one. We will figure out all the little bugs and get better. Or we will both continue to fail, but that's why we are The Failage Sisters.

New Years

2010-01-01T16:35:00.001-08:00

First of all: school. I want to have my first semester done by April. Since it's print-based courses I have a year to get the courses done, which is great news for the procrastinator in me, but terrible for the part of me that wants to change. I might be moving to CT later on in the year. The earliest is the summer. I do not want to be in the middle of classes while moving. I am going to start on the 4th. My sister is starting her classes on that day, so we decided that's when I would start too. Hopefully less procrastination this time 'round. I really cannot afford to do it anymore.

Secondly: I need another job. I want to save up some more money for CT if that is indeed where I will be this next year. If not then I could always wait till March and get rehired at The Swiss Colony. Needless to say... I'm hoping for CT.

And lastly: Movies. I saw two movies this week. On Monday I saw Sherlock Holmes. Unfortunately, it was not as good as I hoped it would be. I am a Robert Downey Jr. fan, so I was pretty excited about it. I did like him as Sherlock Holmes and didn't even mind Jude Law as Watson. It started off alright, but then got slow for much of the rest. It kinda felt like they jumped into the middle of a story and started filming. Maybe a prequel would help? idk. If you wanna go see it then I'm not gonna stop ya, but I would recommend waiting for DVD.

I also saw Avatar on Tuesday. Now I read somewhere it's gonna surpass Lord of the Rings: Return of the King in the box office records. I don't know if I liked it THAT much. The graphics were amazing as anyone could see by the previews. The story and concept were great if a little familiar. Honestly it reminded me a lot of Fern Gully. That's basically what is it: Fern Gully on a much larger scale. But I would recommend going to see it. It is long, but that never bothers me. Basically just more movie for your money. Great action scenes and never seemed to get slow, which is more than I can say for Sherlock Holmes.

Oh and did I mention I have a new computer? No? Well I do.

I will write right now

2009-12-21T22:55:00.000-08:00

Okay I have been procratinating about writing. The thing is I have gotten my coursework and the school is giving me a loan, so I could get the stuff. Now I just need the letter from the school stating that I am full time so, I can get back intot the system that will let my dad transfer his GI benefits to me. I am, of course, procrastinating about starting them AND I CANNOT DO THIS. I MUST STOP PROCRASTINATING! I really do have to or I will be in serious shit.

Movies; The last movie I saw was The Blind Side with Sandra Bullock and Tim McGraw. I saw it with my family and I think that's a good way to go see it. Or by yourself as I see most movies in the theater. There is only one scene with violence, but it only lasts for a couple of seconds. It's a good movie about circumstances changing for the better sue to someone's good heart.

Next Movies to See: Avatar and Sherlock Holmes

Not Even

2009-11-29T08:48:00.001-08:00

I don't think it's even procrastination that keeps me from writing here. That would imply that I know I have to write here and just keep putting it off. I simply don't have much to write. You might think I should have something to write seeing as Friday was Thanksgiving and all. It was my parents and my brothers and myself. We ate. The end. Seriously that was about it. I am thankful that we were all together and my dad wasn't off deployed somewhere.

Oh well I guess I do have something to write about. I went to Milwaukee on Friday to see the Cranberries! It was pretty much awesome. I was front row center. I was right there! I wish they made it so you could here Dolores singing more over the instruments. There were times where I didn't know what songs she was singing. Not that I don't like the instruments. I was obsessed with the drums that night. And the guitar was awesome. It was funny how he would walk off to the back of the stage with his back turned to us to do something serious with the guitar. So other than that, some dude wore way too much cheap cologne and it kept invading my nostrils and I believe the same guy brought his little girl to the front row. I can't tell you how loud it was. Poor kid. They had to go get her some ear plugs to drown out the noise. It was still full of awesome and I'll always remember it.

We were only in Milwaukee a night, but from what I saw and did, I loved it. We hadn't even left and we were trying to figure out the next time we could come back. We Stayed at the Residence Inn right around the corner from The Riverside Theater where I saw the concert and not far from Rock Bottom where we ate after I was done with the concert. I loved how we just walked everywhere. The room we stayed in was pretty nice if not cramped for four people. Can't complain too much for getting the room with points my accumulates by staying at Marriott hotels every time he has to go somewhere. The best thing was the view. We went to sleep with the curtains open. I'll always remember going to sleep to the city lights and waking up to that view was special too. I was sorry to leave the next morning.

It makes me feel better about making plans to live in a city. I was kind of worries, because I like the country. I've never lived in a city and haven't really stayed in one. I'm sure I did when I was a kid and we were driving somewhere, but I don't remember, so it doesn't help me. I stayed in one Friday though and I will remember it and I can't wait to go back. I loved how I could walk everywhere. Will I miss the country? Most definitely. I love trees and space. I won't have that in a city. I'm not saying I will love everything about living in the city and I will probably not want to live there for the rest of my life, but I will definitely enjoy living there for a time.

I am still working at Swiss Colony. Not for very much longer though. Nobody still doesn't know when our last day will be. Personally I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't this week. Maybe the next if we are lucky. I won't miss working there and I will try not to work there again. At least not in the bakery. I don't mind working for eight hours and I certainly don't mind working hard, but standing in the almost exact same spot for eight hours with only (two) fifteen minute breaks (no seperate lunch) is just ridiculous. Sometimes they don't rotate us either, so you end up doing the same thing in the same spot all day. People get yelled at for stupid reason or no reasons at all. They expect us to know something even though they never told us. I won't be sorry to never see that place again. I just have to make it another week or two. Three at the most, but I don't think it's likely.

As for college: Things are progressing. I guess that phrase slowly but surely comes into play here. It seems I've been waiting a whole year to start classes. I better like this whole UW-Platteville Distance Education thing, because it's been hell to get into. I've done courses at two other college and neither has been this difficult. You wouldn't think it would be so hard to start classes, but it is. It's almost as if they don't really want you do study there. That and all they want id your money. There are no payments, they want to be paid in full before I can start. Unfortunately I don't have that much and I can't get the benefits without being officially enrolled. Thankfully yesterday I got a Financial Award letter from the college yesterday. I've been offered a loan that will cover the tuition and books. Then when I get the letter and get back into the system we can start the transfer of benefits. Once that goes through I will get reimbursed and can pay back the loan save for 10 percent. The benefits only cover 90 percent which is fine. I have enough to cover the rest. This better all work, because I am tired of trying to start classes. I was hoping to already be doing classes, but I have to wake till January it looks like.

Movie: I went and saw New Moon. I don't like Kristen Stewart in it. She is kind of annoying in the role, but then that's what I expected cause I felt the same with Twilight. It kind of just dragged out there at the end. If you want to go and see it I'm not going to stop you. It was pretty good. Just in case anybody is wondering.... I'm Team Edward.

It looks like I had more to write about than I realized. I don't have any plans really for the near future, except to keep struggling with the college and to anticipate not working at Swiss colony anymore even though I need to find a job right after. I need to start driving. I am so tired of this. I keep bringing it up with my father and he has said yet again that we will have to set something up. It's going to start snowing soon and that's not the best conditions to learn to drive in. My family wants to go and see Blind Side with Sandra Bullock in it. It looks really good. It's our kinda of movie.

Until next time...

Well Here I am again

2009-11-16T18:32:00.000-08:00

Yes I know I know. I forget. Actually I don't forget I do actually remember on occasion that it's been forever since I've written here. Not that anyone has missed my posts, mainly because no one reads them. Anyways, I have a job at Swiss Colony a.k.a. hell. Standing on my feet for eight hours is not something I am going to sign up for twice. I am still in the process of enrolling in the Business Administration program through University of Wisconsin- Platteville Distance Education. I am one step closer. I think this week will be interesting regarding that.

Movies... On Friday I got off work, got in the car (driven by my mother, because I still cannot drive surprise surprise...) and My brother goes 2012! lol He has been waiting for 2012 to come out for awhile now, so even though I was really tired I ended up going cause he said he would pay for my ticket. (I know I'm cheap get over it.) It was pretty good. It ihnk it could have been a tiny bit better. We knew who was gonna make it in the end though I wish that one girl had made it. 3.5-4/5.

Yesterday we went an saw Paranormal Activity..... big waste of money. DO NOT GO AND SEE IT If you must see it watch it on the internet or wait for DVD to rent or something, but Don't spend money to go see it in theatres. Go watch 2012 instead. 1/5

I feel

2009-10-19T03:31:00.000-07:00

that I have waited a lifetime this last month. I was waiting to hear from Swiss colony to see if I got the job. I did but it's only for like a month and then I am going to miss a day, becuase I have a FRONT ROW TICKET to see THE CRANBERRIES!!! on Nov. 27th and the job starts on the 25th. Just my luck.

I have also waited for the college to get all my stuff and do the credit evaluation which they are now doing. The only hold up really is the G.I. Benefits. I can't get them until I am back into the system. Hopefullly it's going to happen on Wednesday so that mny dad can fill out his applicaiton and it get approved, so that I can sign up for classes. Then I need to fill out my application to transfer the benefits. That takes awhile to go through though. I heard like 8 weeks, but hopefully they aren't going to bill me.

All that probably didn't make any sense. I have been neglecting this blog. But I am the procrastintor am I not? But I have been updating my joint blog with blu about us trying to get our stuff on track so that we can move to new york in 2011. I'm going to try to update more here too though.

Of course, idk why I bother when only one or two people will read this lol.

Despair in all fo its Wonderfulness

2009-10-01T10:52:00.000-07:00

Call into the wind
For the number of mine

Anyways. I believe I will get my fathers G.I. Bill education benefits. I'm just gonna have to wait a little bit more and do a little bit more. It's always a little bit more.

If I could count all the time I've been forgotten
Someone might remember after all

I just want something to work correctly for me the first time. I always run into some obstacle whenever I want to do something. Listen to me... why am I complaining? That's life isn't it. Obstacles.... challenges....lotsa fun.

Forget the monster I show you
It's the porcelain within

Okay. I will write again I think when I hear something from the college at least.

Not despair quite yet
Me thinks

Updates and Plans

2009-09-26T20:58:00.000-07:00

Well I haven't updated in a couple of months. Big surprise there. Several things have happened and other things have still not happened. I am still at home and I still have not learned to drive. I took the summer off from school, but am now switching colleges. I also have put in an application and had a interview for a job. All this has to do with a master plan that I shall not reveal quite yet. Actually if you are one of the two people I believe even read my crap here then you already know what it is lol.

Anyways I am trying to start courses at University of Wisconsin- Platteville the distance education program. With the new G.I. Bill my dad will be able to transfer the education benefits to me. We went to fill out the paperwork however and my name was not listed on his dependents. If we can not get that straightened out then I will have to do a school loan. I really need to start classes and keep with it and get my degree. I didn't want to go to a loan, but I don't feel so bad about doing one anymore. Of course I'd rather get the education benefits, but if I can't get it then I'll go with the loan.

Hopefully I get this job I put in for. It's only a temporary job, but it's something. I need the money to pay whatever isn't covered by the benefits if I get that. Also I am finally going to try and go to NY in January. Well actually I will be staying with my awesome friend Blu in CT. But we'll go down to NY for a day or two and hang out there. I'm a little nervous but excited. I don't know what will happen, but we shall see.

I'm also really excited today, because I will be going to see The Cranberries in November!!!! I just have to buy a ticket on Monday at noon for a reserved seat. I am so glad I will be able to go.

ugh what a nonlife

2009-06-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

Update? I'll give you an update. I just got up one day and decided I was just going to go take the test for learners permit. The worst thing that could happen would be i fail it and know then that i have to read more of the book. Well I passed. My permit was mailed to me. My dad had said that he would teach me how to drive. Well he basically fails. Epic failage on his part. I got my permit last freakin month and he has had a couple opportunites to take me driving. the yard is more important and having a mixed drink apparently. My mom has made an effort and let me go up and down the driveway (we have a longer curving driveway) and we went up the road once. It isnt much but it is at least something. I really need to get out of here. I really do. Can someone please give me a couple thousand dollars? Please? : (

Collage

2009-05-13T21:55:00.000-07:00

My sis Joy was doing this collage mosaic thing she found on i believe her friend, Victoria's blog.
The post is: Image-in that!

What I came up with:

More rambling

2009-05-07T16:00:00.000-07:00

Don't worry I'm going to be more calm than my last blog. lol. I took a break from Reading the Motorists' Handbook of the Wisconsin Department of Transportation to write here. I had a permit before in Maryland, but I never used it. Never learned how to drive. My parents didn't help me at all. My permit expired. I went to renew it, but failed the test that time and never went back to try again. I think my parents see there error in not helping me to drive back then. At least I know my dad does. I asked him this time when I get my permit if he was really going to help me and teach me to drive. He said that he definitely was. I'm glad for that. I really need to start driving. I kind of see it as my first step in my master plan lol. I don't have a time line because if i made one (which I kinda want to do) it would only lead me to procrastinate.

Even though I said I wouldn't I continue to procrastinate in my college course. Only a couple of weeks left and I have gotten A's on everything I turn in. I do have a 94, which is lower than I would want it to be. I tend to worry if its lower, because it would be greater affected when the final comes around and I have more of a chance at getting a B instead of an A. You would think that's not a big deal. I mean a B is a good great, but I have somehow even through my serious procrastination and I still do not thing anyone could fully comprehend how badly I procrastinate managed to maintain a 4.0. I have gotten an A in every college course i have taken. Except of course from those courses that I had to withdraw from cause we were moving and I couldn't handle it. But I have a 4.0 and I just would like to keep it that way. Not that big of a deal, but still for some reason important to me. I only hope I can make a couple of higher A's on my last couple of assignments and tests. I have a test on Monday and an assignment on Tues. I said that I would do the reading today and take the test tomorrow night, but I only did a page or two of reading. I lost interest fast. The only thing I can say for myself is that I did turn to reading the driving booklet.

Tomorrow the family is going fishing. I won't be fishing. I'll take a book probably and definitely my camera.

I will try to read some more tonight, so that I still could take the test tomorrow or Saturday at the latest. After that I still have two more chapters and an assignment to do by Tues. I just don't want to leave both things to the days that they are due, which I am prone to doing.

My poor blog

2009-05-01T16:50:00.000-07:00

I never type in you anymore blog.... But what do you expect from a procrastinator? hmmmm? That's what I thought. Well The only reason I really am typing one now is that my friend from youtube/blogtv/twitter, Kris/Mrbuchanantoyou, posted his blog on twitter so I went and followed and got to thinking about you, my neglected blog. So I am writing now. You can thank Kris.

So Haven't been up to much. Started a new course. Principles of business management or something like that lol. I've already taken small business management but it didnt transfer over for this degree program thing when i switched colleges. ugh. Anyways, I am procrastinating as usual. It gets hard. I don't know why I do it. Oh yeah I guess because even though I wait till the day of to read four chapters and take a test I still get an A. Don't ask me how but I do it. So I have an A but it's a 94 something and I'd like i to be a little higher, because the final counts for the course this time.

The chip collab I wanted to do for youtube completley slipped my mind, but the two people I had for it haven't given me anything for it anyways lol. Jez has been sick, but he still is going to give me something for it. He wants me to nag him so he'll do it, but I'm not a nagger. It's hard for me to ask people to do things in the first place lol. That's why I've only asked two so far. Well I actually only asked one, cause Joy was part of the thought process in the first place and it was a given that she was gonna be in it.

I gotta remember what I wanted to have happen in the first place. I really can't remember well. It's been so long. It's not fresh in my mind anymore. **** OKay looked at my last post and I kinda talk about it in that. Basically The person can do whatever they want they just have to at some point eat a chip(s). I just never figured out if they should talk and I narrate between clips or they not talk and I narrate the entire thing. Jez and Joy have offered to do both (which is great btw) but I feel its too much to ask when asking someone to do it (which I cant seem to bring myself to do anyways lol i know im strange). I don't know... Maybe they should just do whatever, eat a freakin chip, and I'll figure something out. I dont feel like thinking about it anymore. I really do want to do it though.

Vegas doesn't look good. Still don't have a job. I've put in applications, but nada yet. I wanted to go to 789 but prolly def not gonna be able to do it. I need to get in shape. I constantly think about it, but don't do a single thing. Haven't read the driver's manual thing yet, so I am no step closer to getting a license. I am procrastinating terribly in all aspects of my life. I can't even get a freakin chip collab together! ... okay this blog has gotten very bad lol. did not start out this way. lol very sorry...

end of transmission-

Updates and chip collab info

2009-03-20T15:45:00.000-07:00

So, I got an A in American Government. Woot. Still not exactly sure how that happened. I did all the coursework in about a week. Close call.

My next class starts on April 1st. Yep, that's right, April Fools Day. Its Principles of Business Management. I have already taken Small Business Management (they didn't accept the credit when I transfered), so it prolly won't be that hard. I'm gonna try my best not to procrastinate. Actaully I'm gonna make it a goal to get it done as fast as possible (while getting an A of course).

I still don't have a job. I really need one. If I want Vegas to happen in September, then I really have to get one soon. Vegas just has to happen. I think Joy and I are counting on it. I kinda wanna try to go back east for a couple of days, maybe in July, but I'm not going anywhere if I don't get a job.

Not sure what I'm going to do. Next week I'm going to go get a state I.D. made. My military one expired. I'm gonna pick up a driving booklet while I'm there. I have to work on getting my license too. Lots to do.

I really miss martial arts. There isn't a studio here. Not even one! There does happen to be an instructor who holds classes at the senior center. There is a regular class for everyone, but they focus on the kids and then there is the adult class. It's awesomely priced. Only 40 bucks for three months. In MD I couldnt have even stayed 1 month for 40 bucks. lol. It's on tuesdays and thursdays. idk. I'm really out of shape. I just really miss it. It just felt right when I was doing it. idk. I'll think about that later.

Last thing. I do these stupid chip videos on youtube and I have this idea for a collab. (thanks again joy) I only have asked two people though. They can do anything they want really, I don't have a script. Just at some point they have to eat one/some chips. The only thing is I'm not sure if (since my whole thing is the voice) they should not have sound on their videos and I narrate the entire thing or to have them have sound and just narrate in between. My friend Jez, who is the other person so far doing it (thanks Jez), offered to do some of both and I could do whatever with it, which is awesome. I just feel like that is to much to ask of people to do both, when I ask them if they want to do it. idk. I still have to ask people. I just am not good at asking people to do things lol.

Phase 1 Complete

2009-02-18T12:44:00.000-08:00

Okay for the past couple of days I had been reading chapters and taking notes. Yesterday into the early hours of this morning was spent doing a set of questions. I finished at about 3 o'clock this morning. i haven't gotten the grade back yet naturally. I am not very optimistic about the grade I'll get. I think my answers sounded too "I got my answers straight out of the textbook."

I was gonna get up about 9:30 this morning. I set the alarm and everything. The alarm went off. I turned the alarm off and precede to go back to sleep. When I finally woke up enough to turn my head and look at the clock (it's an iHome that I have been having problems with) and it said it was after 2:00. I practically jumped out of bed!

I ran to the computer and emailed Joy. I was like, "OMG. I completely fail. Btw Joy thanks so much for the support during this. She herself, is a procrastinator and is going through her own trials of schoolwork hell. After I did that I happened to look down at the clock... it was only 11:10. Phew. You may be asking why panic over a couple of hours? Well when you have only days to complete weeks of coursework... you'd panic too. Time is precious, but at times like these time is the dearest thing in the world to you.

So I stalled for about an hour building up courage to take the quiz. Ate breakfast, checked emails, tweeted, all that good stuff. The I couldn't stall anymore and I took it. All I have to say if thank goodness it was completely multiple choice, it was open book, and the internet exists. Result: 93% A. woot and phew.

So now that I have that done I need to immediately start on Phase 2, which is the second set of questions and the second quiz. They cover more chapters and just genuiely is gonna take more time. I just don't know if how I did Phase 1 will work for Phase 2. Although it is the same concept there is more of it and I just don't think I have the time to read all the chpaters fully. I think maybe I should just work directly from the questions and read the sections pertaining to them. After that then do the quiz, which is open book anyways.

Phase 3 is scary even to think about...

hey

2009-02-16T08:55:00.000-08:00

okay so first I won the 12seconds challenge yesterday for my second video for the site which was what superhero would you be and why? I picked storm cause I had this idea to use the raining men song. It worked out how I wanted it to. I still laugh when I watch it when the song changes over to its raining men lol. In truth I don't know what superhero I would want to be or what superhero. I would prolly want wolverines abillity. Not necessarily the claws, but that people can't kill him and he doesn't age or anything. I don't know.

OKay now onto the school work thing. 9 days. 9 days is what I have to get everything done.... I am not sure if I am going to make it, but I am going to try. I have written down the things that I need to do by which day, so hopefully I can stick to that. Here's hoping...

12seconds.tv

2009-02-14T20:05:00.000-08:00

I joined 12seconds.tv
That's right I joined another site that I prolly will get addicted to.
I learned of it from me good friend joy
I wanted to get into the #antivalentine madness there on 12seconds.
my first video is also my #antivalentine video
linkage: http://12seconds.tv/channel/ranileto/92445
so enjoy.
and yed i do realize i did this when i should be doing work.
yes i do continue to fail.
im worried actually about how much i am failing.

OMG

2009-02-13T08:08:00.000-08:00

OKay, so the course ends on the 24th!!!!!!!!!
I am so screwed, so screwed, so screwed!
Why do I do this to myself!??!
I might not make it this time...

Oh Shizzle

2009-02-11T06:12:00.000-08:00

So I basically have had this sense of dread set in. I know I don't have much time left in this course. basically very little time left. I believe I have around two weeks left. I have two weeks to do eight weeks worth of coursework. I can't find the exact date that the course ends and that is adding to my anxiety. I set myself up for this. I always do. What the hell is wrong with me. I wanted this time to be different, but it has ended up just as it always does.

I need to do the first three chapters by Saturday. That's what I need to do. I just need to do it to keep afloat and to keep from panicking. I fail epically.

Library

2009-02-09T07:35:00.000-08:00

SO I have been avoiding the library...
Why you ask?
I guess it's a little strange seeing my love of books.
There's also the fact that I worked in one before we moved.
Well we went to the library shortly after we moved here to get library cards and all that.
I like libraries, so I was kinda excited to get to know a new one.
We went up to the front desk and were starting to fill out the forms.
They asked for identification.
We showed them, but they wouldn't give us cards because it didn't have our address on the cards...
WTH.
At the library I worked with you just needed identification and if you didn't have any they would send you your card in the mail and that would be proof enough.
But nooooo, not here.
Your just shit out of luck.
I don't know exactly why, but I got a little pissed off..
I said I wouldn't go back.... and I haven't.
I miss being in a library
I fail I know, but so far I'm still resolved not to go back. Maybe there's another one near us that I can check out.
idk

piece of shhhhhhh

2009-02-04T02:49:00.000-08:00

Nathan sat looking into the fire wondering how a life that started out privileged could end so badly. His brother had been dead a week and the mystery surrounding not only his death, but also his life had not lessened. When word of his brother’s death had reached him, he had gotten the first flight to the United States. He identified his brother’s body in New York and flew back with it to England. The funeral had been today. His mother was not able to attend. Her grief was terrible.

John had been her favorite. Her baby. Nathan knew that she loved him as well. He was her son too, but John had always been her baby. While Nathan grew and looked to his responsibilities and settled into his life working alongside their father at the company, John had chosen a different path. Not a bad one necessarily, just an unknown one. Questions directed to him regarding his life always went unanswered. He would disappear for months at a time. Only reappearing, because he knew Mother would be worried.

This went on for years until about three years ago he stopped reappearing. Mother became worried as she always does. Months turned into a year and then the rest of us grew worried. I used the company’s contacts around the world to try to find his whereabouts, but I was always one step behind. Finally, a week ago I finally tracked him down. I tracked his body to a morgue in New York City.

Nathan looked deeper into the fire. He wondered which he felt more: relieved, angry, or curious. He was relieved that they could all stop worrying, especially his mother. He was angry that his brother would put them all through this. Their mother was all but bedridden with grief. Above all though, he was curious. There were still so many questions about his brother that needed answering. How did he really live his life? Did he have any friends or maybe even a family? How did he die? Nathan got up from the chair still looking into the fire. One thing he certainly was going to find out was who had his brother running for his life.

Well Now

2009-02-01T04:19:00.001-08:00

Of course I haven't written a blog in a long time. The last one doesn't really count. Not that I haven't thought of writing one or how long it has been. Of course I have, but then what else would anyone expect of a procrastinator such as I.

School work goes long untouched. Why can I not be as I wish to be? I know I need to do it and I want to do it, yet I cannot for the life of bring my self to do it and it is only school work! Imagine if it were something else more important. Not that it isn't important. I know that it is and that even though it is one class the cost is not easy for my parents. I know this and still I put off what is not hard to do. I know that I could very easily do this work. I tell myself everyday that I shall sit down and do the work. Just get it over with and I never do. The weeks pass by and the time to do it all grows shorter. Oh why do I do this?! I disappoint myself.

I would not want anyone to feel sorry for me. I do not deserve it.

idk

2009-01-09T08:59:00.000-08:00

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
.....aaahhh

Over

2009-01-04T08:29:00.000-08:00

We usually take the tree down new years day. We just got it down today. Yeah i didnt even want to do it. Not because i wanted to hang on to the holidays. It's simply because I just didn't want to.

I need to do some classwork. I want to do read at least one chapter and to the prechapters lesson or whatever it is. Gotta do it, gotta do it.

John Travolta’s 16-year-old son dies

2009-01-03T06:38:00.001-08:00

RIP

Police spokeswoman Loretta Mackey says 16-year-old Jett Travolta hit his head in a bathtub Friday morning.

Banned Snowzilla returns — bigger than ever

2008-12-25T00:01:00.001-08:00

lmao snowzilla? this is from msnbc.... do they just mean a lot of snow? or is there seriously a snowzilla?

A giant snowman named Snowzilla has mysteriously appeared again this year — despite a city's cease-and-desist order.

Update:::: okays its actgually something some dude and family built in alaska and there is even a site where its like build your own and share! lol http://www.snowzilla.org/

On the Eve of Christmas...

2008-12-24T18:17:00.000-08:00

... I took better pictures lol.

Tree and unfinished house

2008-12-23T17:59:00.000-08:00

My friend sultry wanted me to put up a photot of my tree. here is one though its not goos. Ill try to take a better one tomorrow.

We have never done a gingerbread house before, so my mother saw one in the store and bought it. My oldest brother and myself started putting it together. The only thing really left to do with it is decorate it, but we just kinda stopped messing with it. We prolly finish it tomorrow. Oh and it has plastic wrap around it to keep the cats off it.

I know the pics suck, all dark and kinda blurry. Ill def take better ones tomorrow : )

Merry Xmas

2008-12-21T16:03:00.000-08:00

I'm going to take some xmas photos soon and put them up. until then here a silly little xmas video from me to you.

Remains those of missing Fla. girl

2008-12-21T01:13:00.001-08:00

RIP Caylee

Investigators announced Friday that remains found near the home of Caylee Anthony were those of the missing girl.

Battle over gay marriage sharpens in Calif.

2008-12-21T01:03:00.001-08:00

Just some news regarding Proposition 8.

The California attorney general has changed his position on the state's new same-sex marriage ban and is now urging the state Supreme Court to void Proposition 8.

Oh My

2008-12-13T22:09:00.000-08:00

So, now that I'm finished with the electronic commerce class, I am now done with Anne Arundel Community college. Now I wasn't sure if I was going to do a class right away. I thought maybe I would take the spring semester off and start back in the summer or maybe next fall. Plans have, as of now, changed. My dad came home one day from work and said that there had been a lady there telling him about Grantham University. It is an online university used a lot by people in the military and their families. I started corresponding with that lady and for a couple of weeks now have been contemplating going there. All of a sudden I talked to her on the phone Friday, because she said she had to talk to me soon because there were going to be changes in the new year, which I don't know if you've noticed is pretty soon.

So I talked to her and she was telling me about how you have to take this little two hour course, which doesn't give any credit, but also doesn't cost anything. Now after the new year, which is in a couple of weeks, it changes into a full blown course that I would have to pay 250 bucks for. I think not. So I've been trying to fill out stuff to start getting enrolled. The drawback is money of course, but that is with most people and college nowadays. The pay is mostly the same as with AACC out of state, which I was charged this last semester because I moved out of state. Part of the reason I only did the one class. The difference is that the course materials, like books and software is included. It's still too much, so I will again be only taking one class.

I really need a job. I have been saying this since august, but now I believe it is imperitive. I just don't know what I am going to do. And I have to stop procrastinating. I really do. I know that if I do not, it will mess me up at Grantham. I just don't know what to do. I really don't.

A

2008-12-10T18:47:00.000-08:00

Well today is the tenth and my final was due by today. Of course, the procrastinator in me did not allow me to start it before yesterday. However, I did make an effort to get it done earlier. I started it during the day doing about four of the twelve questions. I put it aside to finish it a little later. Again, me being me didnt get back aournd to it until about nine that night. I finished around 11:45.

Sometimes I get a little anxious about reading the emails from my instructor, cause I don't know whether I did good on it or not. I know up until that point I had an A, but I wasn't sure if the final would change that. You might be thinking, a B isn't so bad. It isn't, but I have a 4.0. Didn't start out to wanting it, just happened to obatin it and been able to keep it. So now I have this thing, that I don't want to do a class if I know I won't get an A. Ridiculous i know.

So, I just decided to get it over with and opened the email. I got an A. Congrats to myself I got an A in electronic commerce. Woot...

I don't know what I'm going to do next semester. I have to find a new college and decide if I'm going to find one to go to the campus or online. I really want to do another english class or maybe a writing class, but I already did my english credit. I just really want to do it though, but.... i don't know.

Anyways point of all this is that I realized I'm a functioning procrastinator and wanted to know if anybody knew if it was a serious problem or not. lol

Snow ftw It's a Memory Maker

2008-12-02T06:13:00.000-08:00

I just moved to Wisconsin and I was excited for the snow to come. I am a fan of snow and in Maryland the past couple of winters really sucked. Well, Sunday it snowed pretty good and we got a good snow layer on the ground. Well I hadn't slept that night so I missed out on doing anything that day, because I had to sleep sometime. The next day, Monday, my older brother and I put on our semi snow clothes (most of mine are still packed in boxes) and ventured outside.

We have those round bowl shaped things to go sledding in. Lemme see if I can find a picture... something kinda like this:

Now the house is set atop a hill and in the back it is somewhat steep. Still we didn't really know how fast it was going to go. I mean it wasn't like 100 moh or anything, but it was still quite fast and unexpected. My brother went first with some unmanly screams lol. I was laughing quite loud especially when he ended his run by going into a stup before a tree and the bottom and flipping over on his stomach. He didn't get hurt or anything, it just looked hilarious. I however was not so lucky. I started before i was really ready, but didnt have much of a choice when i started going down. It was fast and fun and I yelled once or twice. I spinned around and by the time I was facing front again I was almost at the tree and going way too fast. Next thing I know I am completely upside down up against the tree. I layed there agasint the tree upside thinking wow that hurt. I rolled over laughed and yelled up "That hurt!" lol I always get hurt in funny ways or at least I can find the humour in them. Though I did wake up this morning to bruises and feeling like a little beat up : )

I'm always the one that has the worst wipe out while sledding. I remember in Maryland, on Ft.Meade they had this hill where people would go sledding. I don't think they have done it in several years. I always supposed it to be the lack of a good snow. Anyways my dad bought these car innertube things and blew them up. Let me tell you those things are good. They get all slick from the wetness of the snow and take you down a good hill at a good amount of speed. We had been using those and my dad my chatting with another family and they asked if we wanted to try their things (they were the sled disc things like in the picture above). We said sure cause we had never used them before.

In the middle of going down this hill there was this bump they had made. Everyone tried to aim so that they would hit the bump on the way down. No one every seemed to make it. I had given up trying to hit it. It just so happened when I grabbed the sled disc they let us borrow and went down the hill at a high speed, I happened to go in the direct path of the bump. I hit that bump and went flying. The next thing I know I coming down on my head. I situp after I had figured out what direction I was facing lol. There was this guy that came over and had this disbelieving look on the face. Kinda like a smile and wow all the same time. He had his hand near his mouth, as if when he had saw me hit the bump and fly and land on my head he had reacted by gasping and drawing his hand over his mouth. He asked me if I was okay and when I responded positively and started to laugh a little he did too.

Well when It snows a little more I will go out again and wipe out more and have more memories.

laughter is what i guess keeps me going

2008-11-25T17:42:00.000-08:00

I have a video or as genie says veedeo. anyways i have one so watch it if you want.
I'm not going into why I'm upset or have been distant, cause I'm just not. I would like to say that I went to youtube to check videos out and stuff and I always find novanine's videos funny. He did this tongue twister one, which my video is a response to. I thank him for making me laugh when I needed to.

Randomness

2008-11-15T22:04:00.001-08:00

I have no idea

2008-11-13T18:31:00.001-08:00

Okay I've been trying to figure this out for years. Probably since middle school. It's not when it started, just when I noticed it.

People usually like my company. I make them laugh. I'm a very good listener. I didn't have a huge amount of friends, but I was never the type of person that would. Not that I wasn't on friendly terms with other people. I always helped people in class if I could no matter what clique they were in or if they weren't any at all. I pretty much talked to whoever talked to me.

There was always a couple of people that I guess you would call a group. But though I call them friends and on some level they are. I'm not sure they they really are friends or even that I wasn't really friends with them. They would hang out with each other and I would, but only about every two months out side of school. Even though one of my friend's only lived two streets up in the neighborhood and I have known her the longest in the group of friends. I had another friends out side this group that I ended up hanging out with the most, but it seemed like she would only call me up, because everyone else was busy or didn't want to hang out.

This is part of the thing I'm trying to figure out. Though people usually like my company and I think I am generally a nice person I am always forgotten. I am always looked over. I am used to it. It hasn't even gotten me down till now. I know I am not spectacular. FAR from it, but I'm not a bad person. I've always been there for my friends. The way I think of it I didn't have many friends so the ones I had I was going to protect and make sure they were okay. I didn't push it or anything. Actually the opposite.

I mean they probably would accuse me of not making the effort either, but I did all that was in my nature to do. I'm not a phone person. I'm just not. However, if you texted me I would always text you back. I keep in touch over the internet and everything, but it's not really worth it, but I guess it is. I don't have much of a life. I spend most of it on the internet, which I'm not complaining about. There are some great people on the internet. But..... it's happening again. I don't understand there is always someone better who comes along, so I don't matter anymore. Liek I said, I am used to it, but this was different. I had plans around this one. Why do I even bother.

You can probably guess that I am very socially challenged. My parents didn't help in that regard lol. I was one of those kids who grew up to fast. There are reasons why too and I guess it was just in my nature to do it.

I just don't understand. I guess I don't really care.... that's a lie. I do care, but I can;t keep putting myself through this. I just can't. I've done it too many times before and like I said this time was different. I should just chuck my laptop out the window. I could go find a lake
I could burn it in a fire and beat the remains with a sledgehammer and take whats left and throw it into the sea. Okay now I'm just being fanciful.

Maybe I'm too nice. Maybe I just put myself outthere too much. I think people don't realize what they do I take notice. This is why I['m not a people person i guess.

I don't know
why did i write this
will i post it
]if i do will i keep it up
does it matter
probably not
only one person will read this maybe
love ya if you do
what do i do now
i know what i want to do
but thats the problem

What do you expect??? hmmm....???

2008-10-30T18:53:00.000-07:00

I'm a procrastinator of course I'm going to go forever without making a post. Duh...! anyways. Nothing really new going on, except I am yet again procrastinating with my electronic commerce work. I actually feel kinda bad about this time, because the teacher actually mentioned in a mass email to all the students that we do like it said in the thing and do one assignment a week instead of submitting them all at the deadline. At least I know I'm not the only one doing it. I know it makes the work harder on him. He should just make deadlines of each assignment. It might make it a little easier on him. I don't know. I'm just a slacker.

This class ends on December 10. I don't know what I'm going to do next semester. I'm not really feeling the whole school thing at the moment... obviously. I need to get a job. In fact I need to get a job, jet a license, get a car and then get a life. Well, I want to travel a bit. I can't do that without getting a job to get some money. Damned money!

SO... I did a video. A very stupid don't watch it...... here it is.... hehe

Here's an old weird article that I found http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/5032906.stm

I was thinking of making a response to a video about dreams. It got me thinking about dreams and I've had some weird ones.

yes... I've been neglectful

2008-10-24T00:05:00.001-07:00

but so what. people neglect me, so why can't I be neglectful of something. It's on y a blog no one reads anyways. Don't really know why I have it. It was better when I remained silent. I think I'll go back to being that for awhile. See if things get better. Bet you they will.

yay for me

2008-10-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

You'll be happy to know that I still have an A in my class. I don't know how I do it, but I do.

I don't plan on doing much today. Just gonna watch whoners and maybe some movies too. I watched Pump Up the Volume last night. I love that movie. Anyways, All my movies were still in boxes but I unpacked the major DVD box last night. Technically early this morning, but you get the point. So now I have them all out where I don't have to dig through any entire box to find a movie that happens to be at the bottome of the box.

Don't have much else to say. I might post more later.

It's 1:16 a.m. Oct. 15

2008-10-14T23:16:00.000-07:00

I just finished my two assignments and midterm and sent them in. I just hope they were worthy of A's. Personally I don't think they were. I think they should at least get B's though. I don't know. It's up to the teacher. For the rest of the class I really need to do my assignment a week, cause this is past ridiculous and my work is starting to suffer. You wouldn't think that one assignment a week would be bad, but I leave all the assignments till the due date for like three or four of them. I gotta stop! I really want to keep my A in the class too. I have a 4.0 right now and I want to keep it that way. Life of a procrastinator....to be continued....like always....

Oct 13. omg

2008-10-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

So I slept in till 10:30 or so. My mom had tried to get me up a couple of times to eat breakfast with everyone and i said I was gonna,but...yeah didn't happen. She kept telling me they went out to the fencing we put up yesterday. Well actually took down, moved, then put back up. They came back in and i heard one of my brothers mention that they were going to investigate this set of trails that are across the road from us. My dad has mentioned this a couple of times. I've been wanting to do it with the bikes. I got upset because it seemed like they were going to go without me, so I popped up and said I was going. So while I was making moves to get up they were going on about how my brothers touched the electric fencing lol and their reactions to it. They said," you should of did it!" To which I replied,"Yeah, I'm not that stupid." lol though to be honest I actually might have done it. I wish I could have gotten their reactions on pictures or something, because I hear they were quite funny.

Anyways back to the trail. So I get out of bed and and scramble to put some outdoor clothes on. On the way out I grab one of those single serving Pringles pack things and head out the door. That was my breakfast and I completely forgot to get something to drink. That was probably mistake number one. I head up to the barn and my dad was punmping up the tires to make sure they were all full of air. We haven't rode bikes in a good long while. We only had three bikes, because the rest were rusted so we got rid of them and only brought the three when we moved. There were four of us, so my dad said he would walk.

We start of pretty good. We went down the rode a little to get to the trail. I wait for everyone to0 catch up. It took awhile cause my older brother probably is te longest without being on a bike and he wasn't ever the best to begin with. Plus my dad was walking so we had to wait for him to catch up. That's pretty much what we did for awhile till we hit a dead end. At some point my older brother didn't want to do the bike anymore, so he gave the bike to my dad and he walked.

So we are wondering which path we want to take and I decided I want to go down around the cheese factory, because I thought there was this trail that may have led to town (mistake number two btw). I didn't want to go alone so one of my brothers went with me. My other brother and my dad went back I guess. So My brother and I went downhill to get to the path (that was the last downhill for a good long while). We get to the bottom and I see that there wasn't a path that I thought was there. So instead of going back up, we go up this little hill that leads straight to the cheese factory. Once we get up that there is a long driveway to get up to the road (btw we didn't ride this part we were very tired so we pushed the bikes up). That took a little bit, but we were pretty happy to get to the top. So, once again we hop on our bikes went about 20 feet and we had to get back off. It was uphill again, not a steep uphill, but uphill nontheless. On top of that we were going against a very stron wind. We walked almost the entire way down the road until the road got flat and then we got back on our bikes and start pedaling towards the turn. By this time I was abuot to just fall off the bike.

We get almosrt to the turn when we see our dad turn the corner and see us. My brother stopped to talk to him, but i just kept right on going around the corner until it started going uphill again and I just couldn't go anymore. My brother went on past me a minute later and my dad stopped. We talked awhile, but evetually I started again. I stopped once more to catch my breath yet again, but I got to the top of the little hill and it gave me enough momentum to get almost to the driveway. There was alittle hill to get to the driveway and I had to pedal a couple of times to make it, but make it I did. I felt like I had just did a marathon. Which is stupid, because it wasn't even that much, but I don't get a lot of exercise anymore so it just tired me out way too much.

Instead of stopping at the barn and dropping the bike off to walk down the hill do the house, I just kept right on going. As soon as I got as close of the house as I could I practically jumped off the bike. I don't even think it had completely stopped yet lol. There are like three steps to get up to the house and my legs were like lead. I'm sure if you would have saw it you would have laughed. It probably made a funny sight, but it was terrible. Somehow I made it to the kitchen and sat down. The only thing I could manage to get out through the heavy breathing was, "Get me drink!" lol. not very mannerly, but all I could say. My mom got me a drink and I disappeared to my room for awhile. It took me a good half hour for my breathing to completely regulate.

I tried to get on blogtv and type some, but my hands were shaking a little, so it made it a little difficult. So I went and got some food on my stomach. That felt really good btw. After that we really didn't know what to do. My dad took off work, because after all that who could work? PLus the day before we worked all day putting fence up. The brother that had been riding with me disappeared back into his cave he calls a room, not to be heard from till another day. My mom and my other brother go into to town. My dad decided that going around on the riding lawn mower and hauling him around in a wagon with a chair in it while he sipped a beer would be fun. I like driving it, so I said sounds good to me.

So we go do that and look at the fencing job we did yesterday. We get to the back pasture and there are all these huge limbs that my dad had to cut, because they were laying on the electric wire and that could cause it to short out or something like that. So we did that and we see my mom and brother puuling up. My brother came up with his riding lawn mower which he just got. Its an older one, but it goes faster than the one that my dad just got not long ago. We decided to have lawn mower races. My brother won all of them, because his just goes faster. Plus he can pop a willy/willie however you spell it on his.

Other than that I bent one of my fingernails back. It always hurts, but usually you just bend it back to where the long part starts. This time it bent back farther. It started bleeding pretty good. I stuck a bandaid on that I just took off a little bit before I started typing this.

So not as eventful a day as some, but it wasn't bad. Oh and I still haven't done my assignments yet. I should do them now, but I'm starting to get tired. :(

Today was......

2008-10-12T22:10:00.000-07:00

Well its not today anymore. Well today is today, but its 12:11 so when i think of today I'm thinking actually of yesterday. Funny how that works.

Anyways. We just moved here and we have a little over 6 acres. There is fencing up, its not the wood fencing more like the posts with three ropes lines in the front pasture. The back pasture has wires and is electric. When we were buying the house they had someone come out and mark the property lines. We actually had more pasture that was fenced. Well today we extended the fencing. My dad had two buddies from work come out and both my brothers and myself helped. I actually didn't do too much. We have the riding lawn mower and it and the wagon or whatever you call it hooked up to the back. It had supplies and i put the cooler in the back. So, for most of the day I hauled around supplies and drinks. Not a bad job, but for some of the day i just ended up sitting there. I tried to park in the shade as much as I could, but it wasn't always possible. Both my brothers got sunburned. I got some sun and am a little more pink than usual :), but not burned thank goodness. Getting sunburned is so uncomfortable. It's like you don't know where to move or what position to get in, cause where ever you move it doesn't feel that great. omg the shower I took from being outside all day felt ssoooooooo good. And although I didn't get sunburned I did get a little too much sun. I'm not used to being out like that when I'm usually holed up in my room watching blogtv lol and surfing the net lol.

So i did end up with a good headache but i went to sleep and woke up with a headache free head. So i woke up to go back to my room and watch blogtv again. I watched that for a bit but got sidetracked and ended up watching a couple of hours worth of Little People, Big World. lol but then i got tired of that and came back to blogtv....my obsession really. Actually not blogtv itself but that one particular show... you know how it is hehe well I wasn't watching very long, unnecessary drama happened and that was the end of that temporarily of course i hope... So I'm sitting here typing this when i should be typing my three assignments that are do on the 15th... yeah. the worst thing about it is that they are not that hard....AT ALL. Yet I can't seem to do the right thing and just do them. RIGHT NOW I need to do them NOW I tell you... and i still probably wont do them tonight.... woe is me

Blogtv's Response

2008-10-11T10:07:00.001-07:00

This is a response to the email I sent them. To read the email scroll down to the previous post.

We have decided to open our site to ages 13 and up as we believe our rules and regulations, when followed, should maintain an environment conducive to all ages. You will see that 90% of the live broadcasting/video/community sites have the same age requirements.

The important thing for all of us to do, as staff and community, is to continue reporting those people who break our rules. Any time you see a person speaking inappropriately or behaving inappropriately on camera to anyone of any age, save the chat or take a screen shot right away and send the saved chat or screen shot to moderation@blogTV.com so that the moderators can remove the person from the site immediately.

Now, more than ever, we will be fiercely enforcing our rules. The breaking of these rules will not be permitted under any circumstances.

Furthermore, we are developing a new feature that will allow adults to lock their rooms so that young people cannot get in and vice versa. The lock will automatically keep adults out of the teenager's broadcasts. Until then, we are carefully observing the broadcasts of the teens.

Regards,

BlogTV Moderation

The Letter I Wrote to blogtv

2008-10-11T09:55:00.001-07:00

okay so I know you are tired of getting emails from me, but there are some things that need addressing. feel free to not respond to this email, but I feel the need to write it.

I know you are getting a lot of heat (or at least you should be) about lowering the age requirement to 13. Frankly I have no clue as to the messed up reasoning behind this. Most 13 yr olds have no clue to the consequences of certain actions they may do. In the messed up world that we live in they think that dressing slutty at ten and showing their boobs to a hundred people on the internet is the correct thing to do. Maybe not the correct thing to do, but they don't necessarily think its wrong. I don't know if you realize you are enabling these kids, but you are. It's almost as if you are taking advantage of the fact that nowadays parents think that when a kid reaches a certain age they need less supervision when in fact they need more. And because you have lowered it so that they can broadcast themselves they are being babysat by some pervs. It's as if blogtv and the parents are working together to screw up kids lives. Now I now this isn't true in every case, but if it is the case in at least one instance, then it requires action. And it has definitely been the case.

Okay the next thing is mods. I respect the mods a great deal for what they do, so much that I have one as a friend They problem is that there are times that not one mod is on. blogtv is a 24 hour operation (except for when it has those moments ) and there isn't a mod always on. I have been in a room before and saw female breasts and flagged it. I know for a fact that it was also flagged by six other people. Nothing was ever done. No mod came in. It is most likely that there wasn't one on at the time or that one was already busy. A bigger case was one that just happened recently as of tonight. There was 3 girls live (one show) and they were at most 13. they were showing there boobs to over 100 people. The room was flagged of course but no one came. One of the girls said that when the room reached 150 that she would show her vagina. Well of course the room hit 150 and she did as promised. Now probably 50 screenshot of this child's private parts all over the internet and that is something that cannot be reversed. I am not blaming blogtv for this poor girls ignorance merely responading to the problem of blogtvs lack of response in a timely manner. It's an obviously problem. My only suggestions are to set up a schedule ( if you don't already have one) so that at least one or two mods will be on or just get more mods.

So I've said my bit and it's all I can really do at the moment. As I said feel free to pass over this. All I'm really asking is that these problems be addressed. I really don't want to see blogtv on the news cause of some 13 yr old got abducted or raped or something. If it happened to myspace it can happen to you. Your even more at risk cause its live! I like blogtv and I met some good friends here. I want to stay here and so do a lot of people.

Thanks for taking the time to read this,

Katarina

P.S. I'm sure you already got this picture from some concerned folks. It is a screenshot of that poor girl exposing herself. It just goes to show that it is out there and it isn't hard to find. I mean it's one thing when a grown woman does it, caue we all know they've done it on blog, but 13! if she even is that.

(I have removed the link to the picture for obvious reasons. As the person who told me of this incident rightly stated I have more respect for the girl than she does for herself)

blog test from email

2008-10-11T09:52:00.001-07:00

this is just a test to see if it will go to my blogger from my email.

Slept through the night again missing most of the show. Oh well. I'm still tired though. I might take a little nap later so I can stay up through the night this time.

i wrote an email to blogtv last night with my concerns about the age limit and the lack of response to situations that arise in shows. They have sent me a response, but i find myself not able to read it. I have no idea why. I'll read it later.